The four realized that without some sort of framework, they would be evicted and at each other's throats. Thus, the Commandments were set down and mutually agreed upon. During the next two years, the boys kept true to the covenant and life was good. The Commandments are both precise and general enough to cover a multitude of sins (spilling of bodily fluids, for example). They are presented as a tribute to the members of the house, and to the commandment's own staying power.

See also the Commandments with Commentary.

• First and foremost: Thou shalt not sire any offspring.
  
• Thou shalt not be bound in matrimony.
  
• Thou shalt not engage in lustful activities with childeren.
  
• Thou shalt not make any references to a certain fecal incident.
  
• Thou shalt not burn noxious weeds with in the confines of the domicile.
  
• Thou shalt not spill bodily fluids anywhere but proscribed recepticles.
  
• Thou shalt not fornicate with other's partners (covet not thy neighbor's ass.)
  
• Thou shalt not fornicate on the balcony, nor in the moat, nor in the parking
• lot, nor in any non-acceptable location.
  
• Thou shalt not swim in the moat with the beasties.
  
• Thou shalt not bring others into your personal hell.
  
• Thou shalt not covet any pagan spirits, such as wine coolers or other fairy inebriants.
  
• Thou shalt not fail to drink more and to think less.
  
• Thou shalt not get us evicted.
  
• Thou shalt not break anything, nor cause non-repairable damage.